Saturday, March 13, 2010

Patrick Kennedy meets Tommy Boy!

Funny mash-up! The audience is in need of some goggles and the speakers are in need of some Xanax.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Weapons of 'Massa' Distraction

Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y), like many pols before him, is in the midst of a whirlwind media storm. Massa abruptly resigned from his congressional seat amid myriad tales of political-[in]correctness to downright sexual harassment. And like all juicy stories, they begin to take a life of their own and sometimes morph into something much bigger.

Massa is on the attack. He has gone from being the accused, to playing the victim; and is now taking the more offensive stance of being the plaintiff. Not long after Massa spent forty-five minutes on a local radio talk show on Sunday, baring his soul about all-things-scandalous, did the main stream media pick up on the story.

The story, as told by Massa, goes something like this:

1. The congressman allegedly "harassed" a male staffer of his during a wedding reception New Year's Eve.
2. Another one of Massa's staff employees, apparently uncomfortable with what occurred, approached House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer regarding a "complaint."
3. Hoyer allegedly tells this staffer to officially bring said complaint to the House Ethics Committee, or "I'll be forced to do it" if you don't.
4. Complaint is made and investigation begins.
5. Massa, aware of the potential fallout, distances himself from the matter by stating his cancer has returned, and thus will be retiring in the near future.
6. The MSM picks up on the story (even though the Gov. Patterson and Charlie Rangel story gets most of the media's attention).
7. As more details are learned regarding the Massa issue, Massa goes on the offensive and appears on a talk radio program to 'clear the air.'
8. Rep. Massa explains his side of the story during the 'wedding' incident, goes on the record saying he is being 'forced out' of Congress by congressional leadership (Pelosi, Hoyer and others), and also implicates Rahm Emanuel as a co-conspirator for not supporting the president's health care bill.
9. The scandal has now became a full-blown 'he said, she said.'

For the record, Massa described the 'wedding' incident as follows:

"And I grabbed the staff member sitting next to me, and I said, 'What I really ought to be doing is fracking you,' and then [I] tussled the guy's hair and left, went to my room, because I knew the party was getting to the point where I shouldn't be there."

But Massa added more during his radio interview, describing White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel and how he tried to pressure Massa to vote on Obama's budget:

“Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil’s spawn, Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY) said. “He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. He would strap his children to the front end of a steam locomotive…I am showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me.”

Rep. Massa goes on to explain the reasons he's resigning his seat:

"You have my apology and you have my resignation, because I'm a human being, but I will not go quietly into the evening. I will not be ashamed of my actions, other than the fact that I used inappropriate, verbal - V-E-R-B-A-L - language," he said. "And I was set up for this from the very, very beginning. If you think that somehow they didn't come after me to get rid of me because my vote is the deciding vote on the health-care bill, then, ladies and gentlemen, you live today in a world that is so innocent as to not understand what is going on in Washington, D.C."

Massa also denied on the radio show that he is gay. "Ask my wife - I think she can answer that question," he said.

And the saga is only going to get a lot spicier as the Progressive Massa is scheduled to appear on Fox News' Glenn Beck show Tuesday night for an entire hour. Rush Limbaugh has also chimed in saying this will become the cause celebre for Republicans to exploit the Democrats' oft-suspected behind-closed-doors attitude about the health care debate.

Yet, the million dollar question still remains: Why did Massa resign if he is innocent? Nobody is forcing him out. Thus, Massa's veracity will be challenged by everyone. Wouldn't it be just retribution to stay on as congressman while the Ethics Committee conducts its investigation? After all, 99% of all politicians hang on until Satan himself is at the door before throwing in the towel (read: Nixon, Clinton and Mark Foley).

We'll just have to wait and see how this story unfolds. Innuendo, hyperbole and a lot of blog posts will surely follow. But the reality is that the former congressman is one ornery 'Massa-chist.'

Friday, March 5, 2010

Reconcile This!

The dynamic duo of Joe Biden and Barack Obama are a great tag team. Talk about Gaffe and Awe! Vice President Biden was caught off camera during the February 25, health care summit, mumbling "It's easy being the vice president. You don't have to do anything." Later, during a break in the summit, Biden is heard by one of the network microphones responding to another member of Congress who said to the veep: "It's like being the grandpa and not the parent," referring to how easy being the number two guy is. Biden's quick response: "Yeah, that's it!"

That was such a prescient moment for Mr. Biden. After all, as the health care debate in Congress reaches its penultimate hour, with the Democrats seeking to invoke parliamentarian folly as in reconciliation, 'Granpa Joe' is in line to, well - do something important. The current Senate Parliamentarian - Alan Frumin - has the ignominious task of determining procedurally, if the health care bill proposal passes the 'Byrd Rule.'

Named after Senator Robert Byrd, the rule was added as an amendment to the original Budget Reconciliation Act of 1974. This act was primarily put in place to level the playing field between the executive and legislative branches of government. It was also put in place so one party in Congress wouldn't overuse or circumvent the system. The reconciliation act also allowed for the creation of the Congressional Budget Office (CBO). Thus, Congress could now have a little say in budgetary matters juxtaposing the CBO up against the Office of Budget and Management (OBM) - which functions as the budgetary arm of the White House.

Meanwhile, as the Republicans, the Democrats, the media and the public alike argue over the 'proper' use of reconciliation as an option, Joe Biden is now in a very unique situation. Even though Frumin is the congressional arbiter, it is the President of the Senate, that'd be Mr. Biden, who would ultimately rule which parts of the health care bill are budgetary (can be marked up) or are process-oriented. Any non-budgetary portion of the bill cannot be used - hence the 'Byrd Rule.'

Thus, Vice President Joe Biden might just have to earn his keep in the near future and act more like the 'Parent' and less like 'Grandpa.'

Shakespeare and Wordsworth Awaken in Their Graves!

Forrest Gump's mom once told him that life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

Surely, Shakespeare and Wordsworth upon reading or hearing today's non-superfluous, economically-challenged tripe, would heretofore Go Postal!

To be honest with you, scribes and creative types should avoid today's colloquial phrases lest they be branded with what both Rush Limbaugh and Rahm Emanuel inexorably refer to as the gallactically retarded. I'm just saying.

I mean, at this point in time, it is imperative to, uhhh, think outside of the box. It's not like, umm, politicians are telling us about shovel-ready projects two or three times a day. And I'm not aksing for a Thucidydes-like orator to bowl me over with rhetoric once practiced on the steps of the Parthenon.

Look! now let me be completely honest with you, we really need to push the envelope here. These ideas have been market-tested; thus, the ball's in your court. You know? Ok, you're not understanding this, so let me simplify it for you - it's my fault for perfunctorily dismissing you - my bad.

Enough with the histrionics, already! And wipe that incredulous smirk off of your face and vote up or down on this matter.

But, at the end of the day, LOL, it is what it is. So, Dude! I thank you for raising the bar and like, uhhh, keeping it real, all in the name of clarity and conciseness.

Rachel Maddow and Liz Cheney's Al-Qaeda Cabal

Hillarious rebuke of Liz Cheney's 'Keep America Safe' campaign! Maddow takes logical reasoning to a whole new level. And the music score is brilliant! Can you say: 'McCarthyism' revisited.